Message from The Guides: How Can I Find Balance in Relationships?

How can I find balance in relationships-

Today we would like to talk to you about balance in relationships and the concept of "giving and receiving."

There is a way of giving yourself in a relationship that sometimes seems as if it puts you out of balance. Maybe you keep track of how many times you prepare the food, or how many times you pick up your friend from work. You might feel that there is inequality in this, that you are doing more than your share. Perhaps it bothers you that you are not getting enough credit and recognition for your efforts, or not getting back what you have invested.

We woud like you to look at these attitudes and re-focus. You can even change your vocabulary around these concepts. The ideas of "investment" and "return" are borrowed from the sphere of money and banking, and they have nothing to do with real love. When you put money into a project, you hope to get back the amount you put in, plus some extra "interest."

In a loving relationship, there are no such things as investment and return. And you may never reap "interest" in the same way you would in a financial situation. It's not about what you can receive in worldly terms (for example: entertainment, affection, a comfortable home) but in what you find deep within yourself.

Still, you do give and receive in relationships. Your task is to see whether the way you are giving and receiving is beneficial to yourself and the other parties.

You are learning how to be a child of Spirit through the challenges you face. You are discovering how much you can grow.

You are in your present relationships for profound reasons. Your spirit chose to engage in these specific learning experiences.

Having been in this relationship, ask yourself, "How much more loving am I now? How much more patient, how much more compassionate am I now?" We hope that reflecting on this growth will give you the confidence to open up even more to the people you love.

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There is another kind of relationship we would encourage you to look at, the interactions you don't enjoy, for example: with a cranky boss, a difficult child, a clinging parent, a betraying friend -- these need to be examined closely.

You have given these people your care, consideration, and best intentions. When they abused you, you learned about boundaries and how it feels when yours are violated. You have worried about them, pondered their motivations, and discussed them with friends. In your mind you have devised many plans to make things better. In total, you have directed a lot of energy at "solving the problem" of this relationship.

Now is the time to ask if you are "giving" to these relationships, or if you are "giving in" to them. Who is the director of this scene? Who holds the power?

Look at yourself. Ask yourself, "Should I continue to engage fully in this relationship, or is it robbing me of energy and making me less able to be a loving person?"

Remember that your spirit invited this person into your life to teach you something. Have you learned the lesson already? If you have, and you let go of your fear and attachment around this relationship, tensions will dissolve peacefully.

If you have not yet learned the lesson and you try to eliminate this person from your life, he or she will either clamp on to you harder, or a clone of this person will appear in your life: another nasty supervisor, a new neighbor who reminds you exactly of your relative, or a different friend who treats you the same way as the one with whom you just broke off communication.

Always turn the spotlight back on yourself and evaluate how you are responding and growing (or not). Then use your best judgment and see if it's time to make a change in your interactions.

We send you encouragement and a reminder that you always have free will and the strength to choose what is best for you.

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