How to Overcome Harsh Criticism: Repetition

Defuse the Bomb of Criticism: Repetition

In our previous two articles, we discussed how Authority and Intensity make criticism nearly unbearable.

The third element to the criticism bomb is Repetition.

When you hear a criticism once, it certainly burns.

When you hear it daily, however, the burns go deep. They’re much more difficult to heal.

  • When you listen to the same nasty words again and again...
  • When you see your supervisor pull a mean face every time you walk into the office...
  • When you get stuck in a "fight loop" with your partner or parent...

How can you set yourself free?

Repetition is a gift (Whaaaat?)

If you know someone is going to put you down, do not interact with them.

Their predictability is their gift to you.

They are giving you clear signs that they are not to be trusted with your heart.

Remember that this level of toxic negativity belongs to them, not to you.

Leave it with them. Don’t give your power away.

At some point, there is just no use in converting them to liking you or treating you with fairness and humanity. Basically, give up on them.

But never give up on yourself.

Do the math

Fixing repetitive criticism is a game of math.

For every time you heard a harsh word, you’re going to need to give yourself five or seven true, believable compliments.

The ratio is 5 to 1 in cases of low authority, and 7 to 1 in cases of high authority.

Remember, authority means that you value the person who is speaking to you, it's someone you care about, or it's someone who has power over you (a teacher, a priest, or a boss, for example).

Doing the math means having a whole armory of positive statements ready to read, see, hear, and feel.

Which one of these works best for you?

  1. You make my life better.
  2. I love the way you look. Just knowing you exist cheers me up.
  3. Truly, you are a shining star.
  4. I trust you.
  5. You are a divine spark.
  6. When I see you, my heart lights up.
  7. Thank you for being you, I love you just the way you are.

We're going to need a lot of these to counter all the negativity in the world, so keep downloading every affirmation you come across!

Fill your timeline with only positive posts like the accounts SelfLoveRainbow and Tiny Buddha.

Figure out your love language: touch, time, talk, gifts, or service. Do one act, speaking your own love language, for yourself each day.

Lastly - beware of bypassing

Feel your feelings.

It’s ok to feel mad that someone is hurting you.

It’s perfectly reasonable to feel sad that someone is putting you down, calling you names, and criticizing you.

It's ok to feel upset. Harsh criticism is not right and it’s not fair.

Then, once you’ve felt your feelings as much as you can, resolve to get up and do your best.

Some people will never appreciate us.

They are not our people.

I am here to tell you that you are loved, you are guided, you are special, you have gifts, you are talented, you are gifted, you have purpose, you are important, and you are guided.

Now, in order to defuse that bomb, YOU need to tell yourself those things.

Because when you've heard criticism more than once, and it stings, it will keep stinging you if YOU replay it over and over in your mind.

DON'T bypass the bad feelings, but DO catch yourself when you are remembering criticism and playing it on repeat.

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